Well when i was younger my dad did this easter basket thing, he collects baskets and dresses up as a bunny and gives them out to little kids. well ive been helping out by making baskets, and drawing stuff to ask for donations at church and occasionally dressing up as the bunny. well this year is totally different. my dad has been gone alot cause he drives trucks. yes hes gone working, for a my family and me, but im growing up without a dad. but anyways i had to make announcements in front of the church. it was so nerve wrecking, and i totally fucked up one of the announcements. i paused for like years. and then after i get all theese baskets, i have to dress up as the bunny, and take a couple punches from disabled kids. well when i was younger my dad would say, one day your gonna be up there making the announcement and im going to be watching you. this was probably when i was like seven. and today that day finally came and when i looked around he wasnt there. and yes i am a little teary eyed rite noww. but i guess i should be used to it by now because ever since i was little my dad has never had a normal job that i could count on him being there. i know he loves me, but he just hasnt been there. to see all the stuff im proud of. out of all the conversations ive had with my dad, more of them were on the phone than in person. i remember when i was in 1st grade i got an award for english or something, and he couldnt be there cause of work. in fifth grade i sang in front of the church and he wasnt there to see it. cause of work. in seventh grade when the doctors told me i was like infected with Teberculosis(i have the germ, im not cotagious for those of my friends reading, i dont have the disease) i was scared shitless, and he was there, but on the phone. in eighth grade i sang an alladin solo in front of my school, and he was at work, and till today i dont think hes seen the video on my moms phone. for more than half of my freshman games he wasnt there cause of work. and then today, i would trade anything for hm to have been there today, to hug me when i got off the altar thing, or whatever the Fuck its called, and then tell me hes proud. but no, he was asleep the whole time, somewhere in the middle of america, inside his truck. and he called me half an hour ago to say hes proud. at least he said it i just wish it could be in person. i love my dad, and he does work hard and i appreciate that, i just wish he could’ve been here for the more than half of my life he wasnt.
its six months in, and its gone by so quick, it seems likee yesterday we were at the rose parade, it seems like yesterday we were at the pee wee herman dinosaurs. we have so many great memories that we could probably write a book. i would do anything for her she means the world to me, and im sure shed do anyhting for mee too. after she complaineed a bit. this month were going to sadies together, and i wouldnt want to go with anyone else but her, she is my ruca, the one ive been dumped repeadetly for, the one that came into my life right when i needed her. shes been there for me when i needed someone to talk to, or else i know i wouldve gone crazy. she cools me down and makes me smile when my feathers are ruffled. she is so cute and dosent want anything bad to happen to me, so i know she cares. she would make so many sacrafices for me if she needed too. she treats my like if im her husband. she makes me sammiches, she gives me kisses, she gives me hugs when i neeed theem, and she lets me know she loves me 569,469,269 times a day. and i totally believe it. there isnt anything i wouldnt forgive her for. this is why im in love with deedee castillo(;